Noelle Kilgore's Blog

I’ve been going over and over in my head the new abortion rulings in New York that took place yesterday. I’ve debated saying something but it’s been so heavy on my heart.  God has had  an overwhelming declaration lately in our lives, that He has given us a story to share and we must be good stewards with it.  So this is me being a good steward.

First, let me say that this is not intended to shame anyone who has chosen to abort their child.  Although our convictions are different on the matter, I don’t shame you or judge you.  I love you, embrace you and know that was not an easy decision.  Church, shame never brings lasting change, so it’s important that dialogue gets changed with this subject.  It is severe.  Believers see this subject as very severe and very heated with lots of passion behind it.  And they should.  We fight for the unborn.  This is something I will not waiver on.  It’s my conviction and understanding that every life matters and I live my life as so…including refugees, the imprisoned, women, every race and the unborn.

But I have to speak up because I’m looking at a beautiful brown eyed boy across the room who every doctor in America would have given permission to terminate his life up to birth.  I even had a friend text me this morning saying she was weeping watching the coverage because all she could think about was Pierce.  If you don’t know our story, every doctor said he wouldn’t survive.  There was no chance.  We were told over and over he wouldn’t survive, and we learned about his diagnosis at 36 weeks.  It was confirmed over and over on the ultrasound.  It was confirmed over and over and over and over.  He would not live and if he did, his quality of life would be minimal or he would only survive for days.  Even after he was born, the final call on his life came days after, when they shared he would be put in compassionate care (make him comfortable until he passes).  There was zero hope.  But then God.  

I share this because it’s one life that this world needs.  This boy was created for us…for parents who didn’t birth him…who’s birth mom chose life no matter what.  And I will be brutally honest and say that if it had gone the other way, it would have been the greatest honor and privilege to love him for just those sacred moments that he lived.  But he did live.  

I have several friends who have gotten grim diagnosis leading up to their child’s birth.  They were given zero hope…but then God.  I also have friends who birthed children who didn’t survive and would say to you today, loving them up to those breathless moments was the greatest love they’ve felt and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

My prayer is that maybe there is a mom in New York who has been given a diagnosis that now gives you permission to terminate your pregnancy.  Maybe you can’t imagine caring for a child with little hope of life or with complications or special needs BUT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WOULD.  Listen to me…your child for them is their dream come true.  We are living proof.  There are other options.  This law gives permission to let fear rule.  To say there are no other options.  But there are.

This is why my heart is so heavy.  This is what is bringing me to my knees in tears.  What if we didn’t have our Pierce?  What if?  Because every good and amazing doctor would say he wouldn’t survive.  It would have been a strong possibility and look what we would have missed out on.  I get sick to my stomach at that thought.  What if?

I don’t bridge this subject much on social media because I believe this conversation never ends in a productive result.  Having a face to face conversation allows hearts and emotions to be seen and heard and not hidden behind a computer screen.  But I’m praying this falls on the right ears.  Even those who are in favor of this bill.  Please take a moment and think of my boy.  How he’s changed our lives and the lives of so many…even complete strangers. His life mattered.  I type this as tears stream down my face.  He mattered.  He deserved a chance. And so do they…the ones who’ve been declared as acceptable to terminate now with this new law. 

Again, this is not to shame anyone who would do this.  But this is a breathing life.  A beautiful life that has purpose no matter how long they live after the womb or no matter how many special needs they have.  It’s a life worth birthing. Maybe you find yourself saying emotionally and financially you are unfit and this plays into you health…I don’t know, but there are other options.  Please consider the other options.  A miracle could take place.  Things could change.  This law is breaking my heart and I pray that Pierce knows one day that his momma couldn’t stay silent and saw that she spoke up for cases like his.  For cases like him.  May he always know that we saw worth in his life no matter what.

And for those who’s life would be in danger by birth, please go over all the physiologic effects you will encounter with ending their life.  Again, I don’t say that in a judgmental way.  I don’t pretend to even walk in your shoes for a minute.  I know what I would choose but that’s my decision.  And I know that the argument, that you should get that choice.  I see that.  I just think this law creates so much danger and loss of life that might have the possibility of being saved.

Please don’t use this blog to shame anyone.  Please don’t use it as an agenda.  Feel free to share it as a different perspective and proof that things change all the time with diagnosis’ and that even the ones who wouldn’t survive otherwise, just might.  I’m so grateful this is our story.  Please choose life for them…no matter what.

Pierce might be one the most beautiful human beings on this planet.  His little body isn’t perfect and he’ll have some hoops to jump through in the future.  He might get made fun of.  He might not get to do things that other kids get to do, but let me tell you what…that doesn’t matter.  He’s pure magic.  Pure magic.